When I went to Ai-kon, I learned that I had to move away from Minnesota. Not only did I learn that, but I learned that Canada felt like home. Sure, Winnipeg looks just like the midwest, and that's essentially what I plan on escaping from. Canada also isn't a whole lot different than the states. It is, but it isn't at the same time. It's hard to explain unless you've spent time there.
When I went to Anime Evolution only about a month later, I learned that Vancouver is truly where I belong. I remember pulling into the city at about 10pm that night and seeing the lights of the city. Dad put the address for Ocean Studios (the dubbing studio that has dubbed some of my favorite anime) into the GPS and we drove by it. Lights were still on and I could just imagine what was being dubbed at that very moment (very possibly Death Note considering the timing). I remember the feeling I got when I stood on the roof of the college campus that was holding the convention and looking out to the west. I saw the city and the bay, so beautiful. Then I journeyed to the other side and saw the mountains to the east. A lot of tears fell as my parents and I packed up and left that Sunday. I didn't want to leave, I wanted to stay forever.
I have never made it a mystery, since Ai-kon, that I hate living in Minnesota, I hate the midwest all together. I feel trapped and stifled. I need to get out into the world and begin my life. I am often miserable, though I try to hide it as best I can. Living in Minnesota is literally hell. It has everything to do with the fact that it isn't where I belong.
I have always been the kind of person who believes in fate and destiny. Never in my life have I ever felt like I truly belonged here. I was born and raised in Minnesota and have never felt like I belonged. I have never had a strong core of friends, I was always left out of everything, there was a time period in my life where I had no friends at all, not to mention I have always been the black sheep of the family. I don't even belong with the people who share my blood.
The only place I ever felt safe and at home have been the Theatre. So, through that I chose the career path of being an actress. This would be an easy career path to choose and stay in Minnesota, however once I chose it (when I was 13) I knew then that I had to chase something, somewhere. Automatically assumed Los Angeles, which I didn't want to do. Then when I started looking into the idea of Broadway more, I realized that that's where I wanted to go. This thought did not last long. I eventually migrated back to wanting to do television knowing that meant I had to move to LA.
I got back into Anime when I was 19 years old. I had a small falling out when I was 18 and took a short break. I mostly blame Adult Swim and their inability to actually air anime without pissing off the otaku community. I learned of this "new" place called "Vancouver." Oddly enough, I had never heard of it before, I didn't even know what side of Canada it was on, I just knew it was in Canada. So I looked it up in the atlas and saw that it was above Washington. I started doing research about this place and began thinking, "could this be the future that I've been looking for?" I had never really wanted to move to Los Angeles, which is why by this point I was leaning more towards New York again.
After doing research I realized that this place known as "Vancouver" was really where I belonged and began planning a trip to see this city. Enter my trip to Anime Evolution here, about six months later.
After fighting for a visa and fighting to understand what the heck I was supposed to do, I realized that moving to Vancouver was pretty much impossible and settled on living in New York (well New Jersey and work in New York was the finalized plan). That was until my friend Kim and I talked and she talked me back into the idea of Vancouver, or at least the west coast. She told me that she never saw me as an East Coaster. I found a small town right there on the border (literally...the northern city limits...customs). It is called Blaine Washington. She said that getting a work visa is a lot easier than getting a permanent resident visa. So I could live in Blaine and work in Vancouver. I started doing research and discovered that would only make matters that much more complicated. So that idea was put on hold and I was back to square one...where was I going to move?
A friend wanted to move to LA, and had invited me to move with her. This was in the future, not a "let's move now" kind of thing. So I thought that would be the best idea. I would live with someone I knew, and this someone likes dogs (which by this point I had Cosmo) and I was fine with moving to LA since by this point I realized that I didn't want to live in New York either. I fought with myself though, I wanted to move to Vancouver, but it was just too hard. Vancouver was worth the fight, I just wasn't strong enough to fight for it. So now, here I was a future LA dweller. A friend who lives in LA was even going to bring a rent magazine for me (since this plan was going to happen within a year) to a con that we were both attending last October. He forgot (as he does frequently) and I am glad he did.
Remember when I said that every time I leave Minnesota I learn something new? Well, originally I would say "leave the midwest" not just Minnesota. However, when I went to Michigan over Halloween weekend last year I learned some new things, and Michigan is part of the midwest. Not only was my friend there, but so was another voice actor that I had met while in Vancouver. His name, Brad Swaile, credits to his name would include - Light Yagami in Death Note, Quatre in Gundam Wing, Setsuna in Gundam 00 as well as a ton more - we had really clicked the weekend we met.
We met Friday of Anime Evolution. I went to meet him at the signing. I was very excited, it was QUATRE from Gundam Wing! Though not one of my FAVORITE characters (until the Zero episodes) Gundam Wing is what I call my "gateway anime." It was the anime that got me hooked and for that, Brad Swaile was one of my "dealers." So, meeting him was overly exciting. He came and we waited on another voice actor, who never showed, but while we waited Brad struck up a conversation. There were two girls who were so excited to find out that Scott would be at the con on Sunday and Brad laughed knowing that Scott was practically a god in the voice over world. There was another girl who showed Brad a real tattoo she got only a few months before. It was of Nightcrawler in X-Men Evolution. He was wonderfully touched.
I hung out with a Misa Cosplayer in line. At the time, I didn't know who she was. I just knew it had something to do with Death Note since she had one of those Death Note books with her (yeah...it is currently my favorite anime...if only I knew at the time).
The staff thought me and this girl were together in line, so when the time came they had us go up together. I was more than happy to let her go by herself, but in true Misa fashion, she grabbed my arm and said, "let's go!" in a very high pitched squeaky voice. I wish I could remember her name, she was incredibly sweet. She had Brad sign her Death Note, which he didn't want to do. A lot of the voice actors (especially the ones involved) don't like signing them, I can understand why. So he did it in a very creative way. He wrote something else all together and then crossed out some of the letters and put the other letters to his name to eventually spell out "Brad Swaile." Then she was on her way out the door, and I only saw her again once that weekend. Now it was my turn. I handed him my Volume three of Gundam Wing (since that's the one with Quatre on the cover - which never made sense to me...should be Trowa) and he asked if I was from Vancouver. I laughed and said, "No, I am from Minnesota." This made him nearly fall off his chair in one of those anime style falls when people are surprised, "WHAT?! What are you doing here?!" And I said that I had plans to move here eventually and I wanted to check out the city. He immediately got excited and started to ask if I liked it so far and He told me that it was supposed to rain this weekend and he hoped it didn't (as did I since MOST of this con was actually held outside). I told him that it didn't really matter if it rained, it wouldn't hinder my decision. I like rain, so the fact that it rains is almost more of a turn on for me (and for the record, it did rain for about 20 minutes on Saturday). He then started saying that he did hope it rained. There was more to our conversation which lead to an inside joke he wrote on my volume three case, but we need to move on. So, I left Brad behind thinking that our paths may eventually cross again, when I lived in Vancouver.
I had been talked into going to Youmacon in 2009. I really don't remember how that came about. I have a feeling it had something to do with the fact that my new friend, that I met through my friend Kyle, was going to be there and I really wanted to meet her in person. And Kyle was going to be there and I only get to see him once a year at Anime Detour. I had actually made plans the year before to go to Youmacon (since Wayne Grayson was going to be there and I wanted to meet him). However, that plan fell through since Cosmo was in my life now and it was hard to plan traveling cons. Dad had no interest in taking care of a puppy who wasn't potty trained yet, and I wasn't going to go alone so mom was going to come with. It was just a little complicated. So I said no to that con and moved on with my life. This year (2009), I was going, and Wayne Grayson was going to be there again. I was really excited. I checked the guest list one more time and saw a familiar name and face.
Brad Swaile was going to be at Youmacon this year. I was excited. He was overly sweet, not to mention this time, I knew what Death Note was, and I loved it. I had to tell him that I adored him as Light and thought he did a fantastic job. So not only was I going to hang out with Kyle and my friend Colleen, I was going to see Brad again and meet Wayne Grayson and Mike Sinterniklaas. This was shaping up to be an AWESOME weekend.
After opening ceremonies I made my way to Brad hoping to say hi to him. I figured he didn't remember me, it had been a little over two years since we met and he had been to so many cons, boy was I wrong. "Of course I remember you! My Minnesota Canadian!" He blurted out as he hugged me. I introduced him to the friend that came with me that weekend and we obsessed over Death Note. He was whisked away by staff and I turned to see Mike Sinterniklaas still standing there, so he and I talked, mostly about how frightening and disturbing KakuRenBo is (he directed, produced, and starred in the dub).
Sunday came around and I had been able to sneak in a couple of "hi" conversations with Brad and again, we felt totally comfortable around each other. I even got a shot of him in cosplay (he cosplayed that weekend since it was Halloween weekend) on Saturday. However, on Sunday we actually hung out for about a half hour talking. He finally asked the question, "How's the move to Vancouver coming?" I told him that it was not happening because it was just too complicated. He was not happy with this decision and he started to convince me. Part of me wanted him to convince me and the other part of me didn't. I wanted so badly to be given the strength to fight for Vancouver again, but the other part of me wanted to just leave well enough alone, Vancouver wasn't happening. Though, he managed to talk me back into it and I thank God he did. So the weekend of Youmacon, I learned that I do have the strength to fight. I will live in Vancouver, no doubt. I am moving there and nothing will stop me. This was also the conversation that solidified our friendship.
Now, as for this weekend. What did I learn? Well let's recap really fast. I have learned that I hate Minnesota, I want to move to Vancouver, and that I am miserable. Saturday made one thing very clear to me. It's Minnesota that makes me miserable. I have never been so happy in my life than driving around Colorado and seeing all the mountains and exploring this beautiful area. That was it. Minnesota is what makes me miserable. Though that should have been obvious since I don't feel at home here, and I never have. I am not sad that I am back in Minnesota. Actually, I feel quite vindicated that this really is what I need to do. Look out west coast, I am coming. And I am not going to stop until I get what I want!
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