Compassion

When I was a kid, I was larger than most of the other kids. I was in shape for a good portion of my childhood (until I was about 9 and had to give up sports), but I was thicker than all the other kids. This was because I didn't eat healthy. My parents weren't as food smart as we are these days. I ate what I wanted and my parents let me.

It has become a social norm in our society to hurt those who are slightly different than us. To make fun of them, stare at them, treat them differently, etc. When I was a kid I was made fun of day in and day out for my size. Yes, I should have been eating healthier, but that wasn't the fault of an overweight 9 year old. However, there were kids who still felt it necessary to make me feel less important or less worthy than those who were rail thin.

As I got older, the teasing slowed but the stares, whispers, and behind my back laughs increased. I knew they were looking at my ever growing frame and thinking how long it would be before I finally exploded. I heard some of the things they whispered and thought I didn't hear. I hated who I was enough without their insensitive snickering. As the haters increased in volume, so did the hate inside of me; the hate for them, my weight, and myself. By the time I could make different, and healthier, choices food had become my only real friend. The only companion that made me feel good. Everyone else in my life, it seemed at the time, only wanted me to suffer, and I was.

Here's another story.

I have a friend at my parents' church. He's 19 and has some issues. I don't know if it's cerebral palsy or some other handicap. He is an incredibly wonderful, funny, and smart kid. It is a pleasure to have gotten to know him during my time at Vacation Bible School.

The very last day of Vacation Bible School he decided it was time to say something that he had been wanting to say all week. I can hear his words in my head to this day.

"You guys are so different. When I am anywhere else, like the mall or at school, I get stares and laughs. Little kids look at me like I am a monster. But you guys treat me like everyone else."

Hearing words like that coming out of his mouth broke my heart. To think that he has been treated so badly in his life because he can't walk, talk, or act like everyone else. People feel like it is their duty to remind him that he's different, when he's probably more intelligent than me.

There are stories like this everyday. Suicide among teens and young adults are at an all time high. It isn't fair. Why can't people remember that everyone is different and in those differences, we have an imperfect but perfect world? When I look at someone different, I want to get to know them. I want to know what makes them tick, what gives them drive.

When I look at myself now, I see someone amazing. I am not going to deny that. Call me egotistical if you will, but the truth is, everyone should be able to do that. Everyone should be able to look into a mirror, or into their hearts and see someone worthwhile.

There is a thought out there that people who bully others only do it because they have such low self-esteem. This could be true, but going back to my story I don't think it's always the case. There were some kids in the mix that were probably miserable. One I can think of off hand came from a broken family. His parents had only recently gotten divorced, and I am sure that played some part in his decision to make me feel miserable. But considering the ratio of how much I was made fun of, Pequot Lakes School was a very depressing place (which in all honesty, I also will not deny). In 3rd grade, I had no friends, the other kids made up songs about how fat I was (and made sure I heard them), and even the teachers laughed as they saw me sitting all alone in a lonely corner of the fence by the bus garage. I was truly alone. Taking that into consideration, the idea that people who bully are also miserable is just a weak justification for our society.

People have lost what it is to be compassionate. The very thing that we see in nature all the time is lost in our species. No matter how much I had to discipline my dog when he was a puppy, at the end of the day he comes and cuddles with me because he loves me for who I am. I remember watching a Wild Discovery special on chimps when I was a young teen, and their society is filled with compassion. I was sent an email once about a bird that mourned the death of another bird, and have seen something like that first hand myself. In today's society, humans have become nothing but self driven people. As a society we have forgotten that we need others in order to survive, and in that sense of togetherness we need to love one another.

One last story, which is the inspiration for this blog.

An 18 year old boy in New Jersey jumped to his death a little over a week ago because he was gay. His roommate recorded a sexual encounter he was having with another boy and put it on the internet for the world to see. This young man was embarrassed and ashamed of who he was and felt that there was no other choice but to take his own life.

I have slowly been losing hope in our society because of stories like this. Can't we all live our lives as who we are? Our differences are what make us special, make us worth learning about. And love shouldn't be conditional, you love because that is what you do. I don't hate anymore for that reason. I have learned through my time that love is the most powerful emotion we have. If you love and have compassion you are a wealthy person.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13